I am known among my friends and some acquaintances as That Siao Char Bor With The Super Long Hair. How long, you ask? Try tickle-ma-ass-crack kind of long. I wasn’t aiming to for a Guinness world record for the world’s creepiest hair. I’m just the lazy sort who allowed my hair take over my head. Nong nong ago, pre wedded days, I would spend money on ampules, olive oil, fancy shampoo, exotic hair brushes and the sorts for my crowning glory. Now even combing it is a luxury. Notice the receding hairline? That’s from wearing my hair up all the time because I don’t know what to do with it.
My friends loved my hair too. They loved to amuse themselves (sometimes also to impress their dates) by using my hair as a prop. Sometimes my hair can look like Dali’s mustache, caveman armpit hair, Greek Adonis worthy chest hair, toupee for follically challenged folks but most of the time in various form of this fella. There are more patterns but I’ll leave them to your imagination. My hair brought many tears of joy to my lovely friends.
A few weeks ago, I was complaining to my friends that my hair was creeping me out. Literally creeping into my pits, clothes, bag everything. Sometimes when the wind blows, my hair will fly into my face, tickle my elbow and most of the time get stuck in my pits. Not seksi. Every time I asked my niece, my sister or my husband to cut my hair, they all looked at me like I was crazy and never really took me very seriously even when I had the scissors in my hand.
That night, after I trimmed Xan’s hair, I looked at The Husband and said I was going to cut my hair that night.
Him: Tonight ah?
Me: *walks away to get my tools* Ya. Tonight. Now. Why?
Him: Come, I cut for you.
Me: *raise eyebrows* You sure? Don’t cut senget(crooked/tilted) ah? Nah, I got this thingy with a water level thingy attached you can use.
Next thing I knew, he grabbed my hair and CHOP! He presented me my hair. Ok lah, it wasn’t this dramatic. He did asked ‘Are you ready?’ several times until I got irritated and told him to CUT ALREADY!
We are now at The Point of No Return. I wasn’t expecting to see this much hair but oh well.
It looks like the clips you use to seal your packets of Lays or muruku but this really is for DIY haircuts. You can buy this in a set (1 long one for hair at the back and 1 short one for the fringe) in any of those shops that sell professional hair cutting tools. I wouldn’t call the clips ‘professional tools’. They are more for cheapo charlies like moi.
After explaining to him how it works, The Husband very carefully combed my hair into the clip but I kept moving around to talk to him which made him even more nervous. You know why when you get your hair cut by professionals they always like to make small talk with you? So much until it sometimes even irritates you? You think they really like you or want to talk to you ah? No lor! They talk to you because the conversation will help them focus and prevent them from saying what they were really thinking during the hair cut. Unfortunately for me, The Husband is not a professional so his internal monologue all leaked out.
Here are some gems.
- I’m learning a lot here.
- It will grow back.
- You can still tie up your hair if you want.
- Let me trim a bit here. *CHOP*
- Aiyah! Don’t move leh! You see lah!
Can you feel my heart beating faster? Of all the angles, you could have at least straightened the hair before you take this shot right? Visions of this started to appear in my head.
While all this drama was happening, the little Zen Xan got bored.
I don’t understand why people get so nervous when I say I want to chop it off. The first time I cut this much hair was when I was in Toronto years ago. My hairdresser, the hairdresser next to her AND the customer who she was serving all kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to cut it off. “But your hair is sooooo long! How could you bear it?” Why not? It always grow back! Aiyoh! After that, my hairdresser presented my hair to me very much like how my gynae presented Xan to me when he was born. With a gentle gaze and very gingerly.Then she struts off with my hair to show the entire salon who Oohed and Aahed at her prized kill. Her first big bunch of virgin (unbleached, untreated) Asian hair. Siao char bor (Hokkien for mad woman)…
Here’s how it looks at the end. Not drastic, not fancy, not horrible at all. He’s right I can still tie my hair, can still flip my hair bimbotically (if there is such a word).
So. Do you trust your husband enough to cut your hair? Washing hair is passé liao. Eh! Shaving your face, legs or trimming your nose hair don’t count. Maybe I’ll consider plucking your eyebrows and cutting toenails as High Risk so ya, those are ok. If you do, let’s share stories. Should be exciting.