I originally had no intention to write a Valentine’s Day post because I’m really very unromantic and PDA aka Public Display of Affection is not my thing. So please note that this is not a romantic post. Think of it as a Public Service Announcement for the Clueless.
Today is Valentine’s Day and Eastern Valentine’s Day and Chap Goh Meh‚ (last day of Chinese New Year). If you love to dig into lo hei/yusheng, today will be a good day to buy the kits from the supermarkets before they are all gone. If you are married/attached/single, you might want to read on.
For the forgetful ones
YOU are a Forgetful One if:
1. You wonder why your loved ones put adorable “I Love You” notes on the mirror in your toilet, on your laptop screen, on your car dashboard.
2. You wonder why at 2300 hours your usually sweet and gentle angel’s face so black and scary, or why she kept slamming the door or why she is gripping the scissors so tightly in her pale pale hands.
Hello? Today is Valentine’s Day! But have no fear. There is always good old 24 hours Mustafa Centre.
They are very considerate to place the “Oh-shit-I-am-in-so-much-trouble-get-me-out-of-it-quick” / “I’m Sorry Department” / The Jewellery Department strategically next to the escalator in the new wing. TWO FLOORS, for all budgets and for all levels of sorry-ness. Just hide the receipts, price tag, plastic bag and the cable ties. Please note that if you do need to go to this section, they are only open from 8.30am to 1.00am daily. If you reach there at 0101, you are shit out of luck, buddy. Better just head upstairs to the Home Department and buy yourself a pillow because someone is going to sleep outside the house tonight.
For the sad single ones
When loneliness hits you, there is always the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Pillow. If you swing both ways, BUY BOTH!
Yes, I’m not kidding. It exists!
Or for the gentlemen who prefer something different…
For the ones who need to send a special message to “The Ex”
1. Do not vandalize his/her car. Work off that energy at the gym and whack the living daylights out of your personal instructor instead.
2. Do not mail your body parts to him/her.
I don’t advocate violence but this is one message this young lady’s ex will not forget. Warning: image is very graphic. Please do not be eating bak kwa when you see it unless you don’t want to eat bak kwa for a while.
For the mentally sound and folks who don’t mind reading warm fuzzy feel good posts about love
I erm… *cough* particularly enjoyed post #8.
The need to lavish an obscene amount of money on your partner is really a product of clever marketing companies. If you really love that someone, why stop at 1 day? You should be doing it everyday right? If you “last minute hug Buddha’s leg” (trans: 临时抱佛脚) I am very sure your clever partner will see right through you and be triplely mad.